Black is Not a Color

 

When coding in HTML you can define colors by their Red, Blue, Green value, or RGB. For example; a light green color would be R=144 G=238 B=144 which gives the red, blue, and green levels for that color respectively. Guess what the RGB value for black is? R=0 G=0 B=0. Black is not a color, it is the total absence of any color. What does this have to do with not being a pansy? Read on.

 

Black, as defined as the absence of color, is the perfect analogy to how a man should model his behavior. To help explain my point, think of the color red. Now, imagine the type of guy one would associate with the color red. Outgoing, boisterous perhaps, cheery, fun. Whatever. You could perform the same exercise with any color you can imagine. I’m not talking about clothing colors, just metaphorically speaking, associating colors with personality types.  Now, in the same way, picture someone you would associate black with. A few words come to mind immediately for me, dark, mysterious, shady, you get the picture. The fact is black tells you very little. You can probably take a few guesses as to what type of guy drives that yellow sports car parked in the parking lot, but a black one? What does that tell you? Very little I would think.

 

As a man your goal should not be to visually express yourself in such a way that no one has to guess as to what kind of person you are. Boldly displaying your character, ideas, or emotions only shows others your weakness and insecurity. For example, in my article “The Value of Silence” I refer to “manliness through humility” and how by not divulging personal information readily, you display strength and gain respect. Going beyond just verbally restraining oneself, consider physical restraint as well.

 

Through your actions and appearance you can either be an open book, or, like the color black, you can be the “absence of color”. I am not suggesting you go around speechless, wearing all black, lacking a facial expression, and generally looking like an idiot. However, I see too many guys of the “social butterfly” type; moving quickly through the room, talking loudly to everyone, dominating conversations with personal stories, and generally wearing their emotions on their sleeves. Guys like this may be labeled as “outgoing”, or “extroverts”, but all I see is insecurity, rudeness, and a general lack of manliness.

 

Actions speak louder than words, and as I said in “The Value of Silence” your words can say a lot about you, even if you don’t know you are saying it. Imaging then how much more your actions can say about you unknowingly. If you want attention or want to talk about yourself or your problems, go hang out with a bunch of women. If you want to be a man and not be a pansy, then strive for your words, and more importantly your actions, to be “in absence of color”.

The Value of Silence

 

As a man you can never underestimate the value of silence. How much is silence worth? Consider this; the Italian Mafia had a word for their code of silence, omerta`. This was a rule, punishable by death that basically said you are not to talk about any crime no matter what, even if it is your worst enemy who committed the crime.

 

I did some research on omerta` and discovered that the origin of the word is often traced to a Spanish word meaning ‘manliness’. If this does not emphasize the importance of silence I’m not sure what will. Now, I am not advocating following the Mafia’s code of silence. What I am attempting to do is help you realize the importance of silence in being a man.

 

Recently I have had to attend several dinner parties as part of work functions. I cannot list how many times I have been stuck listening to some guy tell me everything from his latest hobbies, what he did over the weekend, or even about his recent love affairs. I tend to generally listen in silence, partially out of necessity since getting a word in edgewise would be impossible, but mostly out of respect. Not respect for the man who is verbally raping me, but respect for myself.

 

At the end of the day I know everything about people like that, from their favorite foods to their latest car purchase. What do they know about me? Perhaps a name and occupation, maybe where I went to school, but for the most part I remain a mystery. Now who do you think has gained more respect? Unless through someone’s story telling session I discover they are a Medal of Honor recipient, or perhaps a member of the FBI, I generally don’t gain a lot of respect for them.

 

On the other hand, when I do (rarely) meet someone who is likeable, carries on a conversation but does not divulge too much personal information, I am impressed. Not only impressed, but the lack of personal information leaves an aire of mystery, and with that comes respect. Some of the most interesting people I have met would willingly divulge very little personal information. Only after asking the right questions and some prodding did I discover they owned their own multi-million dollar business for example, or was an avid gun collector. People who know their lives are interesting don’t need to tell people about it, they already know inside. There is an element of humility present. Which brings me back to omerta`.

 

The other often referenced origin for the term omerta` is a Latin word meaning ‘humility’. Apparently the true origin of omerta` isn’t known, but I think a lot can be learned from the two versions of it’s origin. ‘Manliness’ through ‘humility’.

 

Keeping your mouth shut is one of the best ways I know of to exemplify humility, which in turn displays manliness. I’m not suggesting being a social hermit, but simply cut out all the talk about yourself. I would much rather have a conversation with someone and have to ask about their hobbies or interests than be assaulted with too much information right off the bat. 

Jabbering on about yourself is for girls and for people with boring lives. I have yet to have someone tell me to stop being a pansy for not talking about myself.

Two Different Words, Act. Be.

 

In the English language there are many different words which mean virtually the same thing; it is important to note that the words ‘Act’ and ‘Be’ are not some of these. Take the title of this site for example, ‘Don’t BE A Pansy.com’. This phrase would mean something entirely different if it said ‘Don’t ACT like A Pansy.com’. The articles I have written and will write on this site are aimed to help you to BE a man, to NOT BE a pansy, and it is important you read them in this light. If I read an article on how to change the oil in my car it doesn’t make me a mechanic. Similarly a collection of articles read with the goal of learning how to act will only make you act like someone you are not. It is my goal to teach you how to be who you want to be.

 

True story. My brother is a college athlete. He told me recently one of his roommates, who is a metrosexual at best, asked my brother how he is so manly. My brother told him to cut it out, that asking questions like that was weird. His friend responded “Exactly! That is what I am talking about, how do you do it?”. Just my brother’s response to his inquiry apparently reflected the manliness his friend was searching for. His friend persisted, “Come on, how do you do it?”. My brother responded again, this time getting irritated, “This conversation is gay, you’re freaking me out”. He left his friend feeling bewildered, that even in responding to his friend’s questions, my brother exuded manliness.

 

Unfortunately this is the approach most guys take seeking to be a man. Being a man is not about what you do. My brother’s friend wanted to know what ACTions he could take to be a man, while my brother’s non-verbal response was to stop asking what you can do, and to BE a man. This perfectly highlights the differences in these two words.

 

It is my hope that you read the articles I provide not with the intent on discovering what you can DO to be a man, to not be a pansy. But rather focus on the overall characteristics which are reflected in the articles, confidence, real world skills, and the ability to sift through the BS of day to day life and focus on those things that truly matter. These are some of the character traits of men, and through reading these individual articles which provide specific knowledge, you should be gaining an overall understanding, not of how to ‘not ACT like a pansy’, but of how to ‘not BE a pansy’.

You Are What You Drive

 

I recently read an article stating that these days, 9 out of 10 women would find a man more interesting who drove the latest “environmentally friendly” car than the latest sports car. As they say, 95% of statistics are made up on the spot so who knows where their 9 out of 10 stat came from. The point remains however that apparently these days it is cooler to drive a “green” car than a fast and sporty one.

 

Now, I’m sure there are plenty of people, especially women, who will say it doesn’t matter what a person drives, that it doesn’t reflect who they are. Well, I am here to tell you that is BS. And honestly I think anyone who says otherwise knows deep down it is BS as well. The last person I heard claiming what you drive doesn’t matter was a woman whose husband was getting picked on at work for driving a Kia SUV. Point made.

 

The truth is, you are what you drive. American’s today express themselves through their vehicles, it is probably the second most expensive thing you own (next to a house) and you can take it places with you. Why wouldn’t it be an expression of who you are? Not only that, but you pick it out. Out of hundreds of available cars, you picked one, and that says a lot about who you are.

 

With that said, do you want to be the guy with the new “green” car? What does that say about you? Basically you care more about making a difference and trying to save the environment than you do about style, speed, and appearance. Now there is nothing wrong with caring about the environment, but as a guy that shouldn’t take priority over having a nice ride.

 

It depresses me when I hear guys talk about the new SUV they got because they needed room to haul their crap around, or because they liked the roomy interior; or when a guy chooses the sedan over the coupe because he wants to have room for other people. When I got my sports car I showed it to all my friends. Almost all of them would sit in the drivers seat and say something to the extent of “wow, this must be a blast to drive”, or “I wish I had one of these”. I wanted to yell at them, “Well buy one then!”. Each had his own excuse or reason though for driving his SUV or 4-door car. Typical excuses like I mentioned before. Perhaps there is a perceived notion that sports cars are too expensive for the average person. Nothing is further from the truth. Almost always for the price someone paid for their brand new SUV or sedan they could have gotten a year or two old sports car for cheaper.

 

Life is too short to drive slow, ugly, or generally un-fun cars. A car says a lot about who you are, make sure yours is saying what you want it to. If 9 out of 10 girls care more about “environmentally friendly” cars than sports cars then I would rather meet the 1 out of 10 girl, and if I had the chance I’d tell the guys who are picking up the other 9 girls, “Don’t be a pansy”.

How to Drive a Stick Shift

 

I am sure there are countless articles and instructions online about how to drive a manual transmission car, but I am going to share a secret that will guarantee you can drive one, no matter what.

Why do you need to know in the first place? After all, most cars on the road today are automatics, you may even own an auto and never see yourself driving a stick. Without going into why I prefer manual transmissions, let me present a little scenario.

You are out on the weekend with your buddy and some ladies. Things are going well when out of nowhere your buddy gets sick as hell, one too many Jager bombs perhaps. It’s definitely time to go so you carry him out to his car. After situating him in the backseat and loading up the girls you climb into his car ready to drive off, only to discover it is a stick shift! As a man reading this you should already feel some sweat bullets forming. You realize you only have one option, to ask if one of the girls knows how to drive the car. If you are fortunate neither one will and you can at least save some of your ego, most likely though one of those ladies will have learned to drive on their parent’s old Volvo or something and will step in and save the day, leaving you looking like a big pansy holding your buddy’s head up in the back seat.

As a man you should know how to operate virtually any type of machinery, and definitely something as common as a stick shift car.

 

With that said, lets get started.

 

Driving a manual is not difficult, in fact, if you understand how it works you should be able to teach yourself in no time. When I bought my first car my dad let me drive it around a parking lot to get a feel for it. After that, I drove it over 10 miles home. The next day I drove to town with my two brothers. I had never touched a stick shift before that.

 

When you first get in the car you will notice three pedals, from left to right they are the clutch, brake, and gas. To start the car all you have to do differently is fully press the clutch while you crank it. Easy.

Next, shift to first gear. To do this simply push the shift lever all the way to the left and then up. Actually most gear shifters have the locations of the gears marked on the top, so it is simple.

Now it is time for the secret. Most people, when teaching others to drive a manual, will tell you that now you should slowly start releasing the clutch while simultaneously pressing down gradually on the gas. And, like most people, if you follow this advice you will immediately stall the car.

 

What happens is the car isn’t producing enough power to overcome its own weight and it gives up, it stalls. The secret is simple, don’t try and simultaneously do anything. Rev the car up to 2500, or even 3000 rpms and keep it there. Then you can start slowly releasing the clutch. This ensures the vehicle is making enough power to get started and will not stall. The key is: when in doubt, give it more gas.

 

Now I can already hear the experienced manual drivers cringing, isn’t this bad for the car and clutch? Well, first of all, if you already know how to drive a stick why are you reading this article? Seriously though, this article is meant to give the average guy the emergency knowledge necessary to keep from looking like a total wuss if the need ever arises to drive a stick.

 

If you can remember to always rev up the engine first you will be guaranteed to get to your location. You may look like somewhat of a novice but you won’t be stuck stalling in the parking lot while the young lady in the passenger seat is thinking, “don’t be such a pansy”.