Daily I am more and more convinced that America is a country of retards. Sometimes I fear I am one of only a few intelligent people left in this country. Yesterday on the highway I was pondering how so many people can suck at driving so badly. Engineers have made it so simple, press one big pedal with your foot and you go forward, press the other and you slow down. Turn the big ass wheel in front of you and you turn left to right? How can so many people completely fuck it up?
While wondering this I looked at the person riding my ass down the highway in my passenger side mirror and noticed more evidence of the stupidity of my fellow Americans. Etched on the glass were the words “Objects in Mirror are Closer Than They Appear”. No shit.
We have coffee cups that say “Caution…Hot” on the outside, signs that tell you the obviously soaking wet floor in front of you is wet, and hairdryers with huge labels saying not to use them while submerged in water. As I write this I’m preparing my supper and just realized my can of non-stick cooking spray says in bold on the back “Do Not Spray in Eyes”.
How can it be that everyone is so fucking stupid? The entire world we live in has been tailored to provide the absolutely safest, most brain numbing experience possible, requiring no thought to go about our day to day tasks safely. Yet somehow people still do stupid shit. People haul ass out of a stop sign just to slam their brakes on at the next one. People burn themselves on items that have bright red signs that say HOT. I hate to think what the world would be like without all the great warnings and signs that have been provided.
Then again, what if it was all of this overcautious signage and obvious warnings that made people so stupid in the first place? What if as danger and risk was slowly eliminated from people’s day to day lives they just became that much stupider.
Nissan recently announced a new feature that will be on their cars, the “Eco-Pedal”. Basically the gas pedal has force feedback and if the car computer think you are accelerating too quickly given the driving conditions it senses, it pushes back, thus limiting your acceleration. Apparently Nissan has noticed the stupidity of Americans as well. We like to buy big SUV’s, haul ass all around town in them, and then complain about getting 10 MPG. Nissan claims the Eco-Pedal will help teach people correct driving habits to consume less fuel and drive more safely. What the fuck! People are so damn stupid their cars are now going to have to help them learn to drive?
As stupid as people are these days I’m surprised we are even allowed to drive. If I were president I would sign a bill tomorrow stating all stupid ass warnings and labels like the “Caution…Hot” label be removed immediately. After a few year of mass chaos and two thirds of the U.S. population died from their own stupid mistakes I would then start over with the remaining third of intelligent people, creating a world where people actually used their brains for something other than holding water (the brain is made up of mostly water for the stupid crowd out there).
