The other day I found this article on the front page of Yahoo. The title of the article is “Four Guys You Think You Should Date…but Shouldn’t!”. What the dumb bitch who wrote this shit doesn’t know is she is providing the formula all guys should follow.
Chump #1: The Workaholic Hotshot
Basically this guy works hard for a living and then likes to take it easy and party in the evenings. Apparently having money and taking your job seriously aren’t characteristics women look for in men these days. Yeah right.
Chump #2: The Adrenaline Junkie
Apparently this type of guy is into extreme sports, likes working out, and generally seeks to have a good time. Oh yeah, I forgot women these days are lazy as hell and just like to sit on their asses. This has been proven since, thanks to women alone, the Wii Fit is outselling Grand Theft Auto IV. Why a woman wouldn’t want a guy with, as the article says, “sick abs and chiseled arms” is beyond me.
Chump #3: The Nice Guy With a Chip on His Shoulder
This type of guy will “ridicule the ‘tools who are trying too hard’” while sitting in a bar. This one is complete bullshit. One night at a bar just to have some fun me and a buddy went and sat right in between some douche bags and some chicks they were hitting on. We then proceeded to make fun of the douche bags we had just cock blocked…with the chicks! They ate it up. The name of this guy is misleading, you should by no means be a “nice guy”. But if being a nice guy means calling out some tools then by all means, be as nice as you can be.
Chump #4: The Smooth Operator
The Smooth Operator “rolls up to the club in an Escalade” and “scores women with entertaining small talk”. Oh, I forgot again, women don’t like nice cars and they especially don’t like small talk. Give me a fucking break. I bet every guy on earth wishes girls didn’t like small talk but unfortunately they like it probably more than sex. Apparently this type of guy also has “too much confidence” and will “shower you with attention”. Find me a girl that doesn’t like a confident guy that showers her with attention and I will find you a hard ass that drives a Kia.
After naming off the four types of guys women should avoid I wonder what type of guy the author is actually looking for? Lets try and craft the “ideal guy” using these guidelines and see what we come up with.
Quality Guy #1: The Lazy Ass Poor Guy
This guy is always dressed like shit because he doesn’t have a red cent to his name. Couple that with his lack of work ethic and 80% unemployment for the year and you have a guy who will stick with you just to have a hot meal. Keep this one ladies.
Quality Guy #2: The Pussy
This dude is scared of basically everything worthy of a nutsack that there is to do. Skydiving? Forget it. He would rather sit around and massage your feet. With no testosterone whatsoever this guy will wait on you hand and foot and will have all the time in the world to go shopping and watch re-runs of Grey’s Anatomy.
Quality Guy #3: The Accepting Humble Douche
He’ll congratulate people on their near successes and cheer you on when you beat him at his favorite game. Getting along with others is never a problem because this type of guy loves everyone. Usually found wearing tye-dye shirts and drinking Guiness this man will avoid conflict at all costs and has no problem letting you flirt with other guys.
Quality Guy #4: The Social Butterfly
He’s the type that rolls up to the club in a Kia Sofia and drinks Cosmo’s with you all night long. Forget confidence. Who needs confidence with smooth dance moves and tight pants? This guy will go out with you and your girlfriends and have a blast. Just keep him away from the wine coolers!
If you want to be a man that women can’t resist, take that article and strive to be a combination of the “Four Guys Bitches Think You Shouldn’t Date…But Do Anyway and Love It”.
